Truths: Admitting is the first step

So, I took the first step as they say… and admitted that I have a problem: I have gained way too much weight. Just about the time I came to this conclusion, I happened to get an email from our city rec center (no, I obviously don’t go there) about a Weight Watchers group forming.

I found it almost creepy that I got the email just when I was thinking about doing “something.” But, nonetheless, fate always has a way of intervening, right?

I signed up and last night was my first “meeting.” I say meeting because in some ways I felt like I was going to an AA meeting. Like I was announcing to whoever showed up, “I am fat and I know it.”

I also wondered what the etiquette was if I happened to know anyone in the room. Do I say I know them – or is this a secret club of overweight people?

My parents are in town and encouraging as they always are (ha ha) they had their doubts about why I would do this – “Why pay someone to weigh you?” “Why don’t you just eat less?”

Ugh… It is not that they aren’t kinda right (don’t tell them that) but this was about more than getting weighed – more than eating less – this meant I was finally committing to getting serious about my eating habits – wanting to take the steps necessary to improve my life in a physical way. There are a thousand ways I could lose the weight – pills, shots, starving – but this is THE way I want to live my life: eating smarter, healthier… and okay – yes, until it becomes second nature – I need to feel accountable to someone/something other than myself.

I left the house feeling so supported in my choice (LOL) and drove to the meeting. When I asked the front desk where the meeting was being held – I was self-conscious. Were they looking at me thinking, “It is about time?”

I walked into the room and saw people of all shapes and sizes. Believe me – I was not judging – just taking it all in. I knew no one … feeling somewhat relieved I turned to the line and noticed the…scale. Ugh – the dreaded scale. It is all confidential – no one but the counselor sees the numbers but, well, it is still not something you want to face.

As I stepped up to the counter to pay and register – I was tapped lightly… “Hi, Becky!”

I knew someone, I knew someone. Was I supposed to say I knew her? Would we talk about this outside the meeting?

I smiled, feeling more comfortable and just said in front of her and the counselor… “I feel like I am at an AA meeting – do we say we know each other?”

They both laughed and then the two of us sat together. She has done it before after having her kids… and just like me – life got in the way of eating well.

We flipped through our pocket guides and I scurried to see how many points the things I loved would cost me: beer, chocolate milk, steak tacos, pizza… Each one not too bad… and then we had to take the point test to see what our goal points would be for the day… Ugh… that meant one pizza OR one steak taco or 11 beers – but no food. That one didn’t sound that bad at the moment!

The counselor was energetic and nice. The room was packed and when I told my friend that I misunderstood the extra points for the week and thought we got 70 instead of only 35 – she said, “I THOUGHT you would be a good buddy – but maybe not – we think too much alike!”

And so, the morning has started and I cut my glass of milk in half – still have to go write it down in my log… For a few moments last night I felt like I signed on to boot camp – some dreaded way of living that was going to ruin my happiness.

But, then, I remembered this has been one of my lifelong goals even before I needed to lose weight. I have always wanted to have a healthier lifestyle – wanted to make better choices and feel good about what I put in my body.

So, really, I was taking the steps necessary to fulfill a lifelong desire and then…things didn’t seem so bad.

20 points left for the day!