Truths: “Hi”

I get to be cynical today. Its not an emotion or behavior I am fond of – but there are times when there is no alternative. Today is one of those times.

Let’s see… My house has been in a state of renovation for 5 months now. 5 months of dust and people in my house from 8am to 4pm. No peace and quiet. Constantly keeping the 4 dogs contained and the one from not biting anyone. Can you blame her – she is tired of it too.

5 months of living in the basement and walking thru sawdust, of moving furniture and let’s not forget: paying bills that seem unending.

I almost lost it yesterday with one of the contractors – I cannot help myself I am coming to my wits end.

And then, if that wasn’t enough to set the sanest of people off – I have a teenage daughter going through puberty – who is, basically, a train wreck!

On Monday when she got into my car from basketball practice – I heard the door opening and a bunch of gasping and my immediate reply was, “What is wrong?”

But to my surprise, she was laughing. I mean really laughing. It was a shock to my system – one that took a few minutes to comprehend. See, every time – or almost everytime – Abby gets in the car after a practice or some event she is crying. She is either sick or hurt or a teenage girl and the world is falling to pieces. To hear her laugh – well, that was pretty much unbelievable.

But, I should have know better… flash forward 24 hours and we are back to huffing and puffing, to being a brat and then 36 hours later – in tears that everyone is mad at her.

I can barely contain my own emotions these days – let alone calm the fleeting ones of my teenage daughter.

Sigh.

She is off to school and I am home thinking about yoga and attempting to ignore the painter and the carpenter one floor down.

But, what will be most irritating to me today is when I walk into Walmart or get a sandwich at Jimmy Johns and the employees will immediately greet me with a half hearted, “Hi!” when I walk in the door.

I am, I think it is safe to say, a generally, nice, friendly person. But, for whatever reason – I don’t want to be greeted when I walk into an establishment by some stranger who is only really acknowledging my presence because someone is paying them to do so.

I want to walk in and order my sandwich in peace – no conversation needed.

I want to wheel my cart into the store – as I look at my list and not feel the push to make conversation with some “greeter.”

Isn’t there enough pressure in life to get along? Now I have to get along with random people just because for $7/hour they say hi to me.

I know it is many things for me to sound like this. I am certain that I sound like a selfish bitch, or a cynic, or lunatic… I get it, I do.

But really think back to the last time you walked into a store and the employees started talking to you… did you really feel like talking back?

They do it at all stores these days. All the stores Abby shops in – even with the music blaring – “Hi, what can I help you find? The graphic tees are 2 for $10 today.”

Here is the reality of that scenario… more than likely he or she will not be able to find you what you want and the graphic tee you pick will not be a part of the 2 for $10 deal! So why do they even bother?

Are there some random test cases situations where shoppers actually said that they enjoyed the interaction with the employees – that it made them actually buy more?

I don’t believe it.

It only makes me want to get the hell out of there and shop somewhere we I am left alone to wander aimlessly.

The other day I walked into Menards – and immediately, I felt the knot in my stomach – the customer service employee would undoubtedly be greeting me and I was going to feel the need to acknowledge him.

But, as I walked through the sliding door – I looked away and pretended not to hear the prostituted hello…and kept walking.

I had just left my house – bustling with people who want to ask me questions and talk about the work to be done and I just couldn’t bare one more person making conversation. And should I have to – when I walk into a store where I am going to spend money? Shouldn’t I be treated the way I want to?

This weekend as we were on a mad search for what turned out to be a needle in haystack (an entry door with sidelites – in stock) we found one and the manager who took the sale began telling us his life story. Things like where he vacations, the house he rents, the boat he lost… The three of us listened as our stomachs rumbled for lunch and after we listened to ten stories we didn’t want to hear – we handed over $1500 and said thank you!

It is a goofy world we live in… I know I sound cold and heartless but aren’t we all running on empty – aren’t we all craving a little down time – even if it has to be in the way of walking aisles buying toothpaste?

All I am saying is that I don’t need any extra stress in my life. I don’t need to feel pressure to be nice to a person I don’t know and won’t ever know and who is only being nice to me because it is their job description.

I will say, “Hi,” when I feel like it.

Tails: A matter of time and fate

I have been away for nearly a month – an amazing trip to Antarctica. And while that deserves its own blogs of varying proportions something else amazing hit me the other day: my first day back.

Last Friday in Miami on my way almost home – I got a call from my friend, Mary, who is also the teacher Thorp and I volunteer with at the school where we do therapy dog work. Somehow, through various happenings, the paper wanted to do a story on us and how we created a curriculum based on my trip to Antarctica and Thorp, the therapy dog. The news reporter and the photographer were going to come to the school the day after I got back to interview us and take pictures.

Mary and I were pretty excited.

But, the real story lies beneath the initial, “I am going to be in the paper” excitement.

See, it is almost 4 years to the day that I brought Thorp home from the puppy mill auction. A day that will forever be burned in my brain and my heart. A day that changed my life just as much as it changed Thorp’s.

So, this Tuesday I took Thorp to the groomer to look white and fluffy for the camera and “his” big interview and as I drove there I realized that it was nearly 4 years ago that I was driving there in tears with a sightly, terrified dog that I blindly rescued the day before. A dog that unknowingly to me to would have endless emotional baggage.

I remember calling the groomer practically begging for an appointment because the strange, sick dog I took home smelled and his coat was so matted – it was solid as concrete. I remember leaving him at the groomer – clueless and overwhelmed by the horror I saw the previous day. And I remember picking him up – seeing him completely shaven down to nearly bare skin. And I guess that day, everything he ever knew about life – was shaved away, too. From that day on, he would be loved and cared for.

From that day on neither of our lives would ever be the same.

It was a long road between then and now. For Thorp and for me.

But, on Tuesday, here we both were – in a place that demonstrated how far we had come. We had taken all the bad we had both experienced. The trials and tribulations we accumulated and they brought us here – to a place that showcased Thorp as a hero – a friend – an educational mentor to kids.

I, too, have changed.

I remember 4 years ago, the anger and the tirade I felt. The depression and the grief. What I saw at that auction changed everything I knew about life and suddenly in 24 hours I became an activist and now, in hindsight, a freak!

I ranted and raged to anyone and especially the newspaper. I demanded change and the truth and felt like no one would ever understand.

But, on Wednesday, when I was interviewed, I was calm. Yes, they asked about Thorp’s background and I was eager to share his beginnings and where he came from – but I did it with poise and integrity. And, the reporter got it.

There Thorp and I were – taking in the interview – both relaxed – telling of our tale but confident in who we both became.

Four years ago, I walked into an Amish barn and what I saw appalled me. I took this unbelievable leap of faith and brought home a dog for $65.00.

There are so few things in life that we are ever really certain of. So, few moments that reach from inside our souls and tell us what to do. But, when those moments arise, no matter how far fetched they may seem, I have learned that we have to listen to them.

Many people only talk about fate as an excuse or as justification for their actions but when fate truly intervenes in your life – deep down you’ll know it.

Somehow, I knew that day that I took Thorp home it was the beginning of something bigger than myself…and here we are our changed lives impacting kids lives for the better.