Truths: On the brink

You know those glossy pages of home decorating magazines – the ones that picture gorgeous homes showcasing their recent makeovers? They’re beautiful, right? Spitting images of a dream come true. Fresh paint, granite counters, custom kitchens, sparkling large windows… It is everything a person can hope for.

What’s funny is how they never show the pictures of during the renovation?

Sure, just like diet commercials, they show you the before… the fat lady wearing a bikini or the kitchen with the red laminate counters and brick linoleum – but what about the in between. You know the fat lady craving that donut or the boxing of the all the crap that was in that dated kitchen so the reno could begin.

No, no one shows you any of that stuff – because no one ever wants to think about that.

I didn’t.

I am unsure of the internet rules of using foul language in a blog – so I will refrain – but if you could just envision what I would say right now… It would be something like… “My house is a ------ disaster! And, I am on the brink of ------- insanity.”

There I said it.

Right now, as I type there is a saw blade ramming through three layers of flooring in my laundry room: 2 layers of god awful linoleum and 1 layer of hideous tile. If the noise of the saw wasn’t enough to make your skin crawl – surely the fine white powder that is spreading thru my house like a nuclear cloud should be.

Oh but wait… let’s talk about what the dust is falling on top of… Piles of crap that is stuffed in every nook and cranny of the upstairs right now. (Oh who am I kidding, the downstairs, too).

See, if gutting the first floor wasn’t enough, we decided to completely re-do all the trim, doors and windows upstairs. That doesn’t sound like a big deal in theory – until you realize that everything in every room needs to be moved so that it can be done. Pieces of each room are spread out like the rubbish from a bomb. To be honest – I don’t even know where my laundry basket is right now. Maybe in the office?

There are rooms plasticed off – there are closets without doors, there are shoes in bookcases. I can’t even make this stuff up. I am living in chaos.

Every morning I wake up and scurry around making room for yet another guy to work. Moving that dresser into the hall and checking to make sure my underwear isn’t laying around somewhere.

It all started so simple. In fact, I would even be showered by the time the guys got here – that was a few months ago. Now they are lucky if I brush my teeth and pull my hair back.

I used to vacuum, keep the house in order – but that too has been shot to hell – being that half of our current floors are plywood and we have no kitchen – only studs on a wall.

Today, they pulled out the washer and dryer – and yes, it was embarrassing. There was nearly enough dog hair to make another dog – not to mention dog treats, bobby pins, dryer sheets and wrappers… It was disgusting and a few months ago I would have lowered my head in shame – but today – I laughed it off and grabbed a dustpan. I just don’t have it in me to care anymore. I can only imagine inviting them all over for a party in a few months so they can see we really don’t live like slobs.

How can I let something like that bother me. I have a dishwasher in my dining room (though as I type – that seems convenient), there is a refridgerator in my living room and a stove in the middle of both. With a brand new table and chairs scattered amongst it all.

That is what I do – keep myself preoccupied with the new. Focusing on the happily ever after. The new furniture, the new lighting, the new flooring, the new counters… I stare at my mock up boards – reminding myself of what will replace the stenciled walls and dated oak trim.

This morning that just isn’t enough. I almost broke down into tears. Yes, I wanted this. I did. But, moving one pile into another room for the hundredth time is killing me.

However, forever the optimist I try to look on the bright side… all of these piles reaffirm that we have too much stuff… Piles of too much. Piles that need to go. It is obvious as you move them – that they are taking up space – physical and emotional – that is exhausting and wasteful.

The problem is that right now – all I can do is move them. There isn’t time to sit down and sort them into the piles they teach on “Hoarders” or “Clean Sweep.” You know the “keep” “donate/sell” or “throw away.” My only category is “find a spot.”

We are 6 weeks from completion. At least that is what I hope.

Right now I can hear the guys upstairs saying, “How bad is the dust right now?”

“Pretty bad.”

Yeah it is pretty bad…keep that in mind the next time you flip thru the fancy pictures in House Beautiful – long before they had that shiny new kitchen – they had a shit full of dust and piles of crap stacked in the dining room. Sure it was all worth it – but right now its hard to see the light out my new windows.