Truths: Dreaming of that one day

 Last night I drove back to my home town to meet my lifelong best friend, Kelly, for a slice of pizza at our childhood pizzeria and attend a self publishing workshop.

If only it was truly that black and white.

Her and I are each working on books that we want to publish – one day… Mine has been in the works for nearly 4 years now.  The story of my dog, Thorp, the tragedy of puppy mills, the laws I lobbied for to end them, and finally, the happy ending of Thorp working with special needs children.  It’s a Marley and Me type deal…

But it is painfully close to my heart and soul and that takes time to resonate – time to think objectively, time to… well, it just seems to take a lot of time.  And things are always getting in the way.

Silly things… I mean maybe not silly things – but life, in general, and it shouldn’t – I let it.

Every year I make new year’s resolutions – and for the most part, in the last few years, I have stuck to them.  My most recent, which was really from 2011, was to run a 5K – I did that two weekends ago.  And it felt good – and it reminded me that while I might not have done it in 2011 like I set out to – I did it.  Meaning it was well worth never taking it off the list.

My book has been on the last for 4 years now.

And, it totally is more important to me than the 5K – so why can’t I do it?

The irony is that I never thought I was a runner – but I have always considered myself a writer.  When I drove through my hometown and had flashbacks of my childhood…passing my high school – I remembered how much I was always writing.  How I loved writing for the yearbook, how I really loved English class and Creative Writing – and most of all, all the journals I have kept over the years.

Last night I was in my hometown 20 years later, attending a self publishing class and searching my soul for answers to why I haven’t made something so ingrained in me, something so close to my heart a priority.

And who would have ever guessed that the answer would come from a crazy comedy show like Cougartown.  I am not a regular with that show – so forgive me that I don’t know the character’s name but what she said hit home and shed light on what I have been struggling with.

This character’s dream was to open up her own cake bakery.  She had been making cakes in her kitchen for years – incredible cakes that people loved but when it came to this opportunity to share her cakes with others – to actually take the leap and start her business – she didn’t want to.

And how she explained it spoke to me.  I know it would be inaccurate for me to try to actually quote her – so here is the gist of it…

Yes, I want to open a cake shop – one day… I have dreamt of it for my whole life.  But if I do it now and I fail – then my one day is gone forever.  I want to hold on to my “one day.”

When I heard her say that – everything made sense.  My procrastination, my hesitation, all of it.

I cherish my one day.  I dream of my one day.  And if I put myself out there and it is a disaster – the one thing I always wanted will be over.

It seems easier, safer to just dream it than to risk losing one of the things that means the most to me.

I know all of the adages: “its better to try and fail than to never try at all,” “nothing worth doing comes easy,” “live without regret…”

Yada Yada – they go on forever.

I know they are true – much of my life has been based on those very mantras.  Except the passion closest to my heart.

I wish I could say that I am going to start today – that last night’s class changed everything for me – but the reality is that I am not.

I already have plans today and tomorrow isn’t good either.

But now that I know – what has been keeping me from achieving the one thing I want most in this lifetime of achievements – I can begin to move forward.

Sure dreaming of my “one day” is romantic but the possibility of actually accomplishing it would be unsurpassed.

It is time to wake up from the dream, to open my eyes and make it my reality.

Tails and Truths: The act of giving

I sent a check for $200 today… to a small little rescue in central WI. And when I placed it in the mailbox - and got today’s mail – filled with envelopes from charities across the globe – in my case many animal welfare groups – I knew that I did the right thing: I gave to a place that is making a direct impact on where I live and what I believe in. In fact, I know that 100% of the money I gave will go to help the very thing I care about: puppy mill dogs.

On Saturday, 12 dogs were taken out of a puppy mill in northwestern WI – the very location that my Penelope and Thorp were rescued. See, puppy mills do still exist.

The laws in WI have made an impact – millers are closing up shop because they don’t want to follow the stricter guidelines and in turn, hundreds of dogs are either being taken in by local rescues or euthanized for $10 at a nearby vet clinic.

There are many things that sadden me in this world – but one that really hits me hard is that these 12 dogs whose fate was either be rescued or put to death – were all breeding dogs for their entire lives – for them that meant 9 plus years because all of the dogs were seniors.

For 9 plus years they sat in cages without the gentleness of a human’s touch, without a toy to chew on, without a blanket to cozy up to. Instead they spent their lives on wire flooring, giving birth and surviving in the extreme WI temperatures of hot and cold.

Basically, they have lived a shitty life – and unless a rescue could take them in – their only other fate in life was to be euthanized.

To type the words brings tears to my eyes. What is wrong with us?

What rescues need most is space – families to foster these dogs – and for me that isn’t possible. With 4 of our own dogs, two of them aging and ailing, space isn’t something I can offer. So, in turn – we offered money.

All of us offer money to charities we believe in. Organizations we feel are doing something good for the world.

For me it was a small rescue in Central WI… a rescue who against all odds found a place for some of these dogs on Saturday.

As it turns out, one of these dogs probably has testicular cancer which isn’t unusual in dogs who are not neutered.

I don’t know what his ultimate fate will be… but what I do is that for at least a few days or weeks or months he will have the opportunity to be loved and that is all I could ask for.

My desire to see dogs like these 12 get homes will never cease… it seems the least we could offer them after treating them like machines for so many years.

But, after writing the check today and glancing through the mail and seeing the numerous requests for money… I also have to reflect on the idea of giving to charity and the importance of giving where it matters.

Sure, I believe that international organizations like HSUS and ASPCA and Best Friends Animal Society have an impact on animal welfare on a grand scale – and that once in awhile they directly affect my part of the globe - but actually seeing where my money is going to go – and knowing how unwanted dogs suddenly became wanted because a small organization made it their goal – that means more to me.

The act of giving is far more rewarding when it comes with the understanding that two dogs who had never even had a name – now have the second chance they deserve.