Last night I drove back to my home town to meet my lifelong
best friend, Kelly, for a slice of pizza at our childhood pizzeria and attend a
self publishing workshop.
If only it was truly that black and white.
Her and I are each working on books that we want to publish
– one day… Mine has been in the works for nearly 4 years now. The story of my dog, Thorp, the tragedy
of puppy mills, the laws I lobbied for to end them, and finally, the happy
ending of Thorp working with special needs children. It’s a Marley and Me type deal…
But it is painfully close to my heart and soul and that
takes time to resonate – time to think objectively, time to… well, it just
seems to take a lot of time. And
things are always getting in the way.
Silly things… I mean maybe not silly things – but life, in
general, and it shouldn’t – I let it.
Every year I make new year’s resolutions – and for the most
part, in the last few years, I have stuck to them. My most recent, which was really from 2011, was to run a 5K
– I did that two weekends ago. And
it felt good – and it reminded me that while I might not have done it in 2011
like I set out to – I did it. Meaning
it was well worth never taking it off the list.
My book has been on the last for 4 years now.
And, it totally is more important to me than the 5K – so why
can’t I do it?
The irony is that I never thought I was a runner – but I
have always considered myself a writer.
When I drove through my hometown and had flashbacks of my childhood…passing
my high school – I remembered how much I was always writing. How I loved writing for the yearbook,
how I really loved English class and Creative Writing – and most of all, all
the journals I have kept over the years.
Last night I was in my hometown 20 years later, attending a
self publishing class and searching my soul for answers to why I haven’t made
something so ingrained in me, something so close to my heart a priority.
And who would have ever guessed that the answer would come
from a crazy comedy show like Cougartown.
I am not a regular with that show – so forgive me that I don’t know the
character’s name but what she said hit home and shed light on what I have been
struggling with.
This character’s dream was to open up her own cake bakery. She had been making cakes in her
kitchen for years – incredible cakes that people loved but when it came to this
opportunity to share her cakes with others – to actually take the leap and
start her business – she didn’t want to.
And how she explained it spoke to me. I know it would be inaccurate for me to
try to actually quote her – so here is the gist of it…
Yes, I want to open a cake shop – one day… I have dreamt of
it for my whole life. But if I do
it now and I fail – then my one day is gone forever. I want to hold on to my “one day.”
When I heard her say that – everything made sense. My procrastination, my hesitation, all
of it.
I cherish my one day.
I dream of my one day. And
if I put myself out there and it is a disaster – the one thing I always wanted
will be over.
It seems easier, safer to just dream it than to risk losing
one of the things that means the most to me.
I know all of the adages: “its better to try and fail than
to never try at all,” “nothing worth doing comes easy,” “live without regret…”
Yada Yada – they go on forever.
I know they are true – much of my life has been based on
those very mantras. Except the
passion closest to my heart.
I wish I could say that I am going to start today – that
last night’s class changed everything for me – but the reality is that I am
not.
I already have plans today and tomorrow isn’t good either.
But now that I know – what has been keeping me from
achieving the one thing I want most in this lifetime of achievements – I can
begin to move forward.
Sure dreaming of my “one day” is romantic but the
possibility of actually accomplishing it would be unsurpassed.
It is time to wake up from the dream, to open my eyes and
make it my reality.
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