Truths: Second opinions

For the last 4 weeks I have been confident that I had lymphoma. I had felt a lump on my neck and went to my Dr – who felt it too and sent me to an ENT. The ENT felt it and sent me for a CT scan… once he read the scan he explained to me that I should have two lymph nodes removed and biopsied and while he didn’t think they were malignant it was better to take them out. As he put it, “You have a lot of them – you aren’t going to miss two.”

But, what I would miss was my scarless neck. And I would miss ten days of my life because I would be unable to do anything… I could “walk” he said but that was it.

Of course I did what you shouldn’t – googled every possible scenario on the web… and yes, I diagnosed myself with the worst one.

Friends and family convinced me to get a second opinion. So, I used my googling skills to find someone.

Whether its right or wrong – I wasn’t going to waste my time on local specialists – I was going downtown to the teaching hospitals and found my luck at my alma mater – University of Illinois.

Based on a detailed biography of one of the doctor’s (who happened to be a woman) I knew she would be the perfect fit. I could almost tell she would make me feel comfortable – because, well, the other Dr. just didn’t.

Bill and I drove down yesterday and I was seen by both a competent (and kinda cute) resident and after his exam the Dr. came in and did another one. (it was sort of like being on Grey’s Anatomy) They BOTH read my CT scan unlike the other Dr. who only read the report of my scan.

And with utter kindness and confidence the Dr. said, “I wouldn’t do anything.”

She was happy to take her time and explain why. The lumps (there were two now) did not feel that out of the ordinary – they didn’t present like lymphoma and she wasn’t worried.

And I knew - she knew - what she was talking about.

Sure she said I could have them removed – if they were keeping me up at night. She felt that was a valid reason, which I thought was rather understanding. But her suggestion would be to have another CT scan in 4 months and come back and see her.

We took her advice and walked out there with smiles on our faces.

Of course, there is the chance that her opinion is the wrong one. But, in my heart I don’t think it is. And if I were on the fence about it – her wonderful bedside manner is all it would take to swing my vote.

Thank goodness for second opinions.

Second opinions don’t always come from doctors… I recently went out with some friends – one of who is going through a really rough time. Her and I have been in touch about it – but when we got together we included another friend of ours to talk it through. I know my friend was reluctant at first – it is just so hard to talk about.

But as I watched her fumble to get the words out – I could easily see from the other friend’s face that telling her was the absolute right thing to do. Her concern was obvious (her tears gave her away). And once everything was out on the table – I could feel the air was lighter and warmer.

Maybe it is selfish on my part – but I needed to share the responsibility of making my friend better – with someone else. Mostly, I knew we needed a second opinion. Another outlook and of course, more love to help her through it all.

Four hours later – many bottles of beer and wine – and three friends were doing what good friends do – talking it out – sharing concerns and above all else expressing that all we want is for our friend to be happy.

I know it was hard to open up to another person – but in the end, I know she is glad that she did it. Its not something she would share with all her friends but this friend was by far the right one and her second opinion made a difference.

Second opinions are scary. They often seem to weigh much heavier than the firsts. Do we want our situations confirmed or are we hoping for different news? When we hear that second opinion – does it mean we should get a third?

Life really comes down to opinions. I like that better than this. I don’t trust him. I love her. I would rather be here. My favorite color is pink. I want to buy that car.

We spend our life giving opinions and often relying on other’s opinions to make or break how we feel.

We shouldn’t always seek out only those who agree with us (though that often feels the best) but we should be both willing to hear our opposition and yet secure enough with our own opinions to hold strong if we feel it is the right thing to do.

Holding strong to my second opinion and I know my friend is grateful for the second opinion she got last night. Life is too hard to figure out on your own – embrace the opportunity to look outside yourself.