Truths: Just When You Think…

The other night I attended a Garden Gala… I think I have mentioned that I am in a Garden Club. I know it might sound silly to some and I am, by nearly 10 years, the youngest member of the club…and yes, the meetings/luncheons are similar to hanging out with my mom and her friends – but they are my friends and they are quite delightful.

In just a over a year, I have met some wonderful ladies (a term I would only loosely for my closer friends!!).

I joined because I desperately needed a diversion from animal welfare – it had left me drained and in despair about the whole world. I love gardening so what a perfect way to learn more.

And, boy, do I need to learn more. I think I hold my own when it comes to making things grow. My house looks nice in the summer (okay, my cabin looks nice in the summer – the house…well, I try – but when you aren’t home that much – things do need water! This year, I am only planting drought tolerant annuals and am hanging silk flower baskets. Being in the garden club, I am embarrassed about the silk plants – but they will look better than dead plants…)

Anyway, some of the women of the group – are expert gardeners and I mean experts. They know every kind of flower there is – when to plant it – where to plant it… I know the flowers I like… and I am learning that you can’t just buy a plant because you like it. In gardening, love, alone, won’t make it grow!

ANYWAY, so I am in this garden club and another local garden club puts on this gala where you have a 1 in 10 chance of taking home a wonderful container full of perennials and annuals.

No, I don’t think all of my friends would want to go. In fact, I asked a bunch and they all failed to respond! But I dragged my dear friend, Susan, along anyway!

I think it is fun. You can win something to take home and along the way you get to learn about and see all of these different plants and what to do with them. (I think I mentioned I could use all the help I can get!)

So, besides the containers, they also have raffle baskets. You can buy tickets and place them in the bags of the baskets you would like to win. (don’t worry, there is a point to all of this)

During “half time” Susan and I went and placed our tickets in the baskets that we liked. There were lots of gardening ones (duh) that I liked and when I was down to my last ticket I noticed a party one that had a fun little frog in it. It reminded me of my brother, Jimmy, who passed away last summer in a drowning accident.

He loved frogs and had a huge collection of them. Since the accident, I have made frogs a part of my life as happy reminders of my crazy brother who drove me nuts most of the time.

Half time was over and the gala began again. I didn’t win any containers (I did last year) and it was time for the raffle.

Everything was handed out and then, my name was called. I won the basket with the frog!

There has been a lot to deal with since my brother passed away. With no will, no spouse, and only a minor daughter, you can imagine what has taken place. I have cursed him a lot in the last few months.

So, winning THAT basket meant more than anything else I could have won… I know some might not believe – but to me it meant that my brother was smiling down on me…probably laughing that all of this was my punishment for being a bratty little sister but it also meant, to me, that he thought I was doing a good job. It was as though he gave me the thumbs up.

I think when people close to you pass away – you begin to form this different relationship with them. When you are forced to deal with a lot of the crap they left behind – you talk to them and you even learn more about them.

I loved my brother – but with 9 years difference – we weren’t all that close. I, of course, regret that – but in some ways – I feel like I am the one left with all the loose strings because it is a way to know my brother better and to find closure and peace with our relationship.

It has been a struggle some of it.. most of it. The legal crap and trying to do what is best for my niece. I have felt overwhelmed at times – unsure of what I was doing.

Winning that basket was the encouragement I needed.

Just when you think the people you have lost aren’t around anymore – you receive a gift – a small token that assures you – you are not alone. That, they are watching over you and that has made all of the difference for me.