Truths: A Surprise behind the Surprise

So, this Saturday I attended a 40th surprise party – in fact, I even planned it. The birthday girl was completely caught off guard and the whole thing turned out near perfect: if I may so say myself!

The planning started months ago and we created a theme: 1969! Not to mention that we actually live in the town of Woodstock.

We had tye-dye tapestries and my friend, Debbie, who also helped with the planning, and I wore crazy $6 dresses we got at Target. I had flowers in my hair and a peace sign on my face.

And to our amazement – so many of the other guests really did take the theme seriously and dressed up. Wigs, bell bottoms, platform shoes – the whole bit. Which made it that much more fun.

We had these cool peace sign cookies and of course, a batch of “special” brownies and bowls of “magic” mushrooms (PRETEND ONES). It helped that we were also at a bowling alley that had to be around in 1969 and hasn’t changed much since.

But, real surprise is that the party, that I planned, was for my ex-husband’s wife, Carol. Yep, you read that right – my ex-husband’s wife.

It is so hard to explain something that people can never get their arms around. Somehow, amongst all the raw emotions that take place during a divorce and its aftermath, Carol and I became friends.

I don’t just mean acquaintances who tolerate one another when family situations arise. I mean full fledged good friends who share most everything about their lives.

She is there for me everyday. We talk all of the time and we live in the same neighborhood. She knows when I am having a bad day and knows when I am overwhelmed with life and gets me through them.

We have dinners at their home and we celebrate birthdays together. We do everything friends would do and yet, our relationship is so hard for people to believe.

I am certain that when people saw the invitations and read my name – they gasped – a little… Or silently questioned why?


I wanted to plan Carol’s party because she wanted one (even though she really never came out and said it). I wanted to plan a party because she is my friend and she turned 40 – and that is what friends do.

So, behind the actual surprise of the party – is the surprise of who planned it.

I blog about this because I just thing people should realize the possibility: what if ex-spouses really did get along and found a place in their lives for the new spouses…

What if it wasn’t about the hurt and the anger anymore and was about the potentially harmonious future?

I am not saying what we have would work for everyone but I am saying that it is definitely something people should consider.

It is unbelievable the real surprises that could be in store…