Truths: You don’t need gray hair

Saturday night as I was rocking Josee at the Timbers Supper Club (I really don’t cook) the owner, Mike, said, “You make a good Grandma.”

And that is when it hit me… while it all seems surreal the truth is: I am absolutely enjoying this whole Grandma thing.

It is true what they say – when you have your own kids – it just feels harder. You never seem ready to give up everything you know – all the freedoms you had just months before the baby was born. It is a huge adjustment and while it might seem selfish, you always yearn for a little of that back – at the very least – time to eat your own meal when the food comes – which was what I was trying to give Kristin.

When Abby was born and we became new parents – I had moments like that… and, now looking back – I regret that I didn’t just enjoy what was right in front of me – this perfect little bundle who would grow up faster than I would ever realize.

And that is the tricky part of this whole dynamic – my daughter is still just growing up. At only 11, I am still parenting and now I am grandparenting.

Holding Josee last night – and really seeing the miracle she is – was truly endearing. And to know that she is MY grandchild – this little girl who I will get to see grow-up: see her walk, go to her dance recitals or soccer games, graduate school, get married… it all is overwhelming – in a good way.

When you become a blended family as we did – it is inevitable the baggage that comes with it. But, with a grandchild you are afforded a brand new start – you are just you and nothing else matters anymore.

As I rocked Josee Saturday night – and looked into her beautiful eyes – I fell in love again and again. – I watched as she cooed and smiled and I could not have felt prouder that she was my granddaughter.

In the background, on the jukebox, the song, “I will stand by you” by The Pretenders was playing. It is a song that I often played when Abby was a baby… A song that I always thought I would put on a mix CD for her. Certain lyrics in the song just seem so fitting from a parent to a child…

Oh, why you look so sad? Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now.
Don't be ashamed to cry, let me see you through
Cause I've seen the dark side too.
When the night falls on you, you don't know what to do,
Nothing you confess could make me love you less
I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.
So, if you're mad get mad, don't hold it all inside,
Come on and talk to me now.
And hey, what you got to hide? I get angry too
But I'm alot like you.
When you're standing at the crossroads, don't know which path to choose,
Let me come along, cause even if your wrong
I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.
Take me into your darkest hour, and I'll never desert you.
I'll stand by you.
And when, when the night falls on you baby, you're feeling all alone,
You won't be on your own, I'll stand by you. I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you. I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour and I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you.

I want to be that mother to Abby and now, that, grandma to Josee. The one who can share life experiences and be real about things. I want to help her find her way in the world and to encourage her to follow her dreams. (okay, and I want to take her shopping because this grandma probably won’t be the one baking cookies.)

In all seriousness – becoming a grandma is as amazing as people say it is – this second chance to hold a baby and enjoy the very moment without any expectation or frustration – just the joy of watching your granddaughter look into your eyes and the realization that this is only the beginning of many more perfect moments to come.