Truths: Do these jeans make my butt look fat?

…no the donuts and the large bag of m&m’s do!

Ah.. the fascination or rather obsession women place on their own bodies (and other women’s bodies) is cause for at least two articles in every women’s magazine every month!

How to walk your fat away, how to get hard abs, how to eat grapefruit and lose 10 pounds (anyone only eating grapefruit for 2 weeks - should lose weight and suffer massive heartburn).

We try to teach our daughters that every size body is healthy – but we all know we are lying.

It is sad – really sad…

And as my own case study I can say this… I have weighed 99lbs (going thru a divorce and on the edge of anorexia) and I have weighed 160lbs (The college 10 – was more like the college 40 for me) and I have weighed everything in between in the last 25 years – and never once was I happy with my body. Okay at 99lbs – I was impressed with my body and the fact that no matter what I tried on it either fit or was too big… But, then again – no one else thought I looked good - including a doctor.

I feel fat right now – I do… and even though I have lost over 15 pounds since I joined weight watchers and now I have been walking 2 miles to yoga and 2 miles back home – I am still feeling fat. The real test is that when I weigh 125 pounds – my goal weight- will I feel any better?

Me – as a person has not changed – I am quirky, have too many animals and constantly struggle to stay organized – and write my damn book. I am still a wife, a mother, a daughter – and my friends don’t leave me when I weigh more – so what the Hell does it matter?

I know people who are in far better shape than me – thin – healthy and yet, they still struggle comparing themselves against other people… other people who I wouldn’t care if they were super models because even then they wouldn’t be the kind of women I would want to be friends with – not thin – and not fat… just not at all.

And somewhere in this vicious cycle – our poor bodies attempt to keep up with us… The fad diets, the sudden work-outs – the massive amounts of protein – no carbs. We fail to recognize that our bodies are doing the best they can with the rather poor direction we give them.

For just a few moments – think about what your body has endured from scraped knees, to broken hearts, to childbirth… broken bones, fertility shots, monthly menstruation, breast cancer, sun exposure – our bodies get beaten up everyday…and still we are unhappy with them.

As I was practicing yoga on Monday and found myself in triangle pose – I couldn’t help but wonder just what my body was thinking. It had to be something like, “Are you kidding me… just how exactly do you expect me to bend like this?”

And that is when it hit me… it is time to appreciate my own body – to recognize it as the amazing machine it is and to really treat it better.

For me losing weight is still a healthy thing to do – no, I won’t be 99lbs again… but my goal weight is reachable and acceptable – but somewhere along this road of weight loss also has to be a path to peace – that no matter what I weigh or what size pants I wear – who I am as a person is what matters.

My family and friends – my goals and dreams- are what make me who I am – not what the scale says or how I compare to the skinny blonde sitting next to me.

Weight comes and goes on a daily basis – but who we are does not.