Truths: Double Edge Sword

For years now, I have perused magazines – seeking out my dream house- cutting out pictures and painstakingly pasting them into scrapbooks. (This is my idea of scrapbooking…Abby’s baby pictures are piled up in an armoire waiting for me to have this kind of ambition)

I have a whole book filled with fireplace mantels and stair railings and built in bookshelves… Pages, lots of pages, of dream kitchens. And if that isn’t enough – I have pages dedicated to paint colors and furniture pieces even that art to hang on the walls.

I spend hours watching HGTV and have tivo’d shows that portray what I want…one day.

Yes, it has all been in the hopes of one day…

And, that one day has come!

Could I be more excited to see my house turn into my dream home? The oak trim out, the larger white baseboard and 6 panel white doors installed… the built-ins and the window seat and new flooring. And my absolute favorite – my large garden window over my sink. (new sink).

The pages I have created are about to become my reality. Talk about the need to pinch yourself to make sure you aren’t dreaming.

But, apparently, someone pinched me last night.

The contractor and the carpenter came last night to really start putting my dreams on my paper – to start planning out the phases and the materials and all the stuff it takes to make a page in a scrapbook become a bookshelf in your family room.

And after 2 hours – or was it 3 hours – reality struck. (at least the first reality… we will get the quote for the job in a few days and I am sure that will be a “I am not dreaming anymore” moment as well).

But it was when the Roger said something like, “The whole place is pretty much going to be torn up. If you want to keep any of the light fixtures you should take them down. Anything in the rooms is going to have to be moved. The closets will have to be emptied to re-case the doors and re-trim. We are going to have to hammer in some holes to see what is in the walls. Things are going to get messy.”

And Bill said, “I really don’t think she has any idea what this is going to be like.”

And, I guess, I didn’t.

I just pictured the old magically going away and the new being gracefully installed. No dust – just one day I walk into my house and realize that my scrapbook has come to life.

I am pretty sure that Christmas, this year, will be a small tree in the basement or a celebration at the cabin. The 50 snowman I have won’t be making an appearance and the stockings won’t be hanging on the mantel.

I have always lived by the mantra, “Good things don’t come easy.” The relationship with my husband didn’t come easy – we survived many stumbling blocks and ill will towards us…the writing of my book hasn’t come easy – things that mean so much to me – have never been smooth roads and why on Earth would this be any different?

Bill and I survived a nightmare remodel at our cabin – if it could go wrong, it did – but in the end we have this amazing place that we created and I believe that this transformation will be just as worthwhile (hopefully, without the nightmare).

I woke up this morning looking at my bedroom. Everything in its place. I walked down to the kitchen (and the ugly cabinets I hate) and saw the neatness… and I couldn’t help but take a deep breath and realize all of that is about to change.

My everyday quiet is about to turn into hammering and sawing and dust – lots of dust.

But, the hope is that when it all settles – I can throw away the scrapbook and actually live in my own pages…