Truths: The “other side” of Screaming

Just when I think I can’t scream anymore – a miracle happens.

After school, yesterday, Abby asked if we could play basketball in the driveway.

It was a beautiful day, at least in IL, 60 degrees outside, the sun shining. Everyone in need of a warm spring day after a cold winter.

I agreed right away – fresh air could do me good.

We played “horse” for a long time -each of us smiling and laughing.

After all the screaming the day before, I felt a sense of guilt. I really do have a good kid. I have no idea where all the years went, but here we are playing in the driveway and having fun together.

The only screams you hear are “Good shot!”

After playing basketball for a while, Abby asked if we could throw a football.

Absolutely. I love football.

She put the basketball – AWAY - and got out the football.

We began throwing it back and forth and within a minute or two, she was actually talking about her life.

She was talking about her friends and some of the hardships they have had to deal with lately. She was talking about how she was doing in school. She was talking about anything and everything!

As our babies turn into adolescents, we all become concerned with how we are going to stay in touch with their lives. How we will get them to open up to us.

We fear that they will just grow apart from us. And what used to be, “I am going over to Emily’s house to play babies,” becomes, “I am going out.”

No details.

As the football flew from one side of the yard to the other – I was contemplating all of this in my head. Mostly, my heart was smiling.

One, because after all the yelling and the anger the last 24 hours, we were outside enjoying each other’s company – completely passed all the ugly that had taken place.

Two, because I realized that this small act of togetherness is all it is going to truly take to be a part of my daughter’s world.

No, it might not always be as easy as playing outside together – but it really is as easy as stopping my own busy life and taking time to just be with my daughter.

Spending time doing something nearly mindless – so that there is this void in time where she feels safe and comfortable to really talk and share.

I have to admit that I began to feel ridiculous for all my yelling over such petty stuff the day before.

This moment – is the kind of moment that matters. The kind of moment where all the hard work of parenting pays off. It is almost like surviving labor and holding your baby for the first time.

Sure it was Hell – but look at what you did.

For some unfortunate reason, moments like yesterday seem too infrequent – too scarce. And moments of screaming and anger take precedence.

Yesterday was amazing and the beauty of it will have a special place in my heart.

After a few hours, it was time for Abby to go to her dad’s… I felt a sense of sadness and pride… we shared something important: real time together.

Perhaps, it is time to wave the peace flag and let go of all the screaming, I thought, as they pulled out of the driveway.

Until, I walked into the house to see a trail of candy wrappers from the kitchen and a coat and shoes on the floor of the foyer (right next to the coat rack).

I guess there IS a place in parenting for screaming!