Truths: There Must be Something Else other than Screaming…

Let me preface this blog with: I am not trying for Mother of the Year Award because I already know I won’t get it.

A few weeks ago on the comedy show, “The Middle,” the premise of the story was how if the mom didn’t scream, things didn’t get done. She made a pact not to scream and in the end – her point was proven; without her screaming, one kid got lice, one kid forgot to babysit, and one forgot to study for a big test!

See, as much as us moms hate the fact that we are always screaming – it appears to be our only hope of raising responsible children (who we hope, one day, won’t scream at their kids all of the time).

But, what happenes when screaming isn’t enough? Then what?

My daughter, whom I love with all of my heart, is driving me NUTS! Her level of responsibility is beyond comprehension when it comes to picking up after herself and keeping her room organized.

At this point I find myself screaming at a wall – and I am about to go hoarse.

Here is how yesterday went… I cleaned the whole house: making piles for everyone’s stuff that was lying around. Abby’s pile being the biggest, of course. What gets me the most mad is when it is wrappers and garbage. Which there seems to be more of than pillows on our sofa!

When Abby got home, she threw her coat on the floor and immediately grabbed a snack and left the wrappers on the counter – right next to the garbage can.

She went upstairs to her room and I brought her, her pile of stuff. To which she sighed, “Ugh, not more stuff to put away?”

Are you kidding me….

“Yeah,” I said, “More stuff – if you would just put it away, I wouldn’t have all these piles for you.”

I walked away…yes, angry…

I took a stab at picking up in the mud room – only to find my arms filled with Abby’s stuff: pairs of shoes, sweatshirts, etc.

And, I brought them up to her room – only to hear her sigh, again.

This time I just threw them on the floor and said, “Put them away right now!”

We took the dogs for a walk and when we returned to the driveway she took all of the leashes off and then placed them on the porch.

“Why would you do that? Why wouldn’t you just put them away?” I yelled.

To which she blankly stared back and said, “I don’t know.”

Last night after dinner (after telling her to bring her dishes to the sink) she went out to play with a friend. (today, I see the chalk is still sitting where she left it)

Like a million other people we were watching Idol last night. Abby sitting on the couch eating the Girl Scout Cookies we just got…and I went to change the laundry. Only to see by the front door table – her socks and wrappers!

Okay, I lost it a little bit. I took the socks and the wrappers and went over to the couch and just threw them at her. (they were soft, no chance of injury)

“This is what I mean,” I screamed, “Throw them away right now!”

How many times had I screamed in just one day? And, how many times did I scream about the same thing? What the Hell am I doing wrong?

This morning as Abby scurried around the house looking to find everything green she could wear, I was making my bed and picking up my room.

I walked downstairs and as we were about to leave – I see that she left her coat and one of her purses on a chair in the kitchen.

Again I scream, “That is exactly what I am talking about – put it away right now!”

She looked at me as though I was crazy…walked upstairs and put them away.

It was time to leave for school. Thank God – or I am certain DCFS would have been on their way.

I had to run upstairs to get my shoes and happened to look in her room – only to see the towels she used to shower strewn across the room, the coat and purse she brought up – on the floor, closet light on, armoire doors open, miscellaneous crap through-out!

Now, I will say this – when she went to bed last night – her room was clean. How the Hell can it get trashed in one hour?

I walked downstairs, wanting desperately to approach the issue differently… So, I calmly said, “I just don’t know what to say anymore. Your room is a mess and I can’t take it – I can’t look at it any longer, something has got to change.”

Finally, a look of guilt and a sense of remorse.

As I walked around the car, feeling momentarily successful, all I could think about was, “what if there is a bomb at school or a shooting or a fire today? And, all Abby will remember is me yelling at her about cleaning up her room? I would feel bad the rest of my life.”

Ugh… we drove to school in silence. I didn’t know what else to say. I was at a loss… and she obviously couldn’t take much more.

She got out of the car and I made sure to say, “I love you.” She even said it back.

So, at least I don’t have to worry about any potential disaster at the school… but as I walk in the door and I see a pair of shoes in the foyer and a jacket hanging on the banister – I want to scream!

And there just has to be something other than that!