Truths: Friendships: Men VS Women

Yesterday's blog stirred some emotions about the friendships women have and the degree in which men can’t understand them.

Often, when women take leave of their families in search of a girls' weekend – men scratch their heads and pout, “When will you be home?”

It is irritating to us… this guilt trip of leaving the house. It makes women angry and bitter and often, sadly enough, can ruin the girl time they have longed for.

What happens is the husbands become part of the conversations of the girls weekend. Things like, “Ugh, my husband was whining when I left – totally not understanding why I want to be with my friends. What the Hell is wrong with him?”

Aahh…. And that is where I start the blog today. What the Hell is wrong with men that they don’t understand our need to be with our girlfriends for extended periods of time.

It is so obvious, really, and yet, as women, we usually overlook it.

Men, typically, never hang with each other just to hang – just to talk. All of their time together surrounds an activity, such as: a sporting event, a round of golf, a beer after work. Men don’t call men and say, “Hey, do you want to get a hotel room and spend the night just hanging out.”

It almost sounds creepy saying it like that!

It is not to say that men don’t have friendships… they do – but they are based on different things. Mostly they are based on mutual interests: basketball, football, fishing, etc. While women often develop relationships with women based more on geographic location – and while they usually have things in common, women can be dear friends even when they see life a lot differently or even when they don’t participate in the same activities.

Women develop friendships based on support and kindness. Sure we can golf together or go see a movie – but what we really expect from our friendships is the ability to share what is going on with our lives and to have the other person help us through it - just by listening.

Men don’t talk about theit innermost feelings – they don’t share their everyday with the guys. Their conversations need an activity. While men golf, or watch a game – their conversation is about the activity.

“Hey, did you get a new driver?”

“Hey did you see that Peyton Manning threw for 300 yards last year?”

“What lure are you using?”

Often, when my husband returns from a two day fishing trip, I ask him what is going on with his friends… any new babies, new jobs, new houses, etc.

“I have no idea.” He says.

"So, you spent 48 hours with three guys and you don’t know a thing.”

“We don’t talk about that stuff.”

So, while our weekends with the girls, based solely on the opportunity to hang out and talk, are completely foreign to our husbands. Their weekends with the guys without talking are completely unthinkable to us.

Isn’t there some book called, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?” ☺

It is just hard…hard to get into the car and drive away for a girls weekend when your husband stands there, pouting about why you have to leave... “just to talk to your friends – can’t you do that over the phone?”

Women love their friends in a way that men will never understand. While we are honest with our husbands there are things that we don’t share with them that we only share with our closest friends… It is who we are.

While, I think, men tend to only share important things with us – their wives. Again, missing the opportunity to understand our friendships.

The funny thing is that even if I went golfing with my best friends – we would still manage to indulge in our life’s dilemmas. We don’t give a rat’s ass about Kelly’s new driver or that Tina is taking lessons on Tuesdays (unless she tells us the instructor is hot).

It is never about the activity – it is about the people involved. I remember when my husband and I were dating and we went bowling. On the way there he said, “So, do you want me to give you some tips on how to bowl better?”

“Huh,”, I said, “Why? – I am not going to bowl – I am going to drink and hang out with our friends.”

I think says a lot. And, truthfully, when it all comes down to it – I guess it does circle back to the true differences between men and women: the mere concept of sharing our feelings and opening up to people.

Men have a hard time doing this. In fact, so many men almost never do this. That is why their friendships revolve around activities because it keeps them safe. They don’t have to talk about their lives when Joe hits a 250 yard tee shot or when Brett Favre throws an interception (again). They can hang out together and never once acknowledge that Bob is about to get engaged or that Dave’s marriage is falling apart. No, instead they focus on the bass Bill just caught because it is easier.

To us, women, we can’t imagine anything more sad… because we need to expose ourselves… we need to share…we need each other.

Apparently, gender does set us up for the relationships we develop in our lives – the important part is that we: men and women, understand what one another needs from their friendships and doesn’t look all sad and puppy eyed when the other one leaves the house in search of time with the girls…. Or, the boys….