Truths: Men Still Living in a Cave

I never considered myself NOT a “morning person.” But according to my husband who is home right now… I am not a “morning person.”

Hmmm?

I guess I do have a routine… get my daughter off to school, make myself my chocolate milk (a habit I learned at age 7 when my dad would get me up before he left for work and make me chocolate milk and we would talk for 30 minutes about all of the problems in the world – something I will never forget and maybe the chocolate milk is my daily reminder of that time), and go up to my office, check my emails and write this blog.

No, I guess I don’t want to talk to anyone – I just want that time to wake-up, to gradually join the real world and to write. I used to journal everyday – and now this blog has taken that role in my life. There is something rather comforting to me about exploring your emotions as you wake up for the day and get ready to take charge of the next couple of hours.

So, this morning as I was stirring my milk, he pointed out my silence – he said, “you talk to other people in the morning – just not me.”

“Really? Who?”

Well, when we have company you talk to them in the morning.”

“What? Are you kidding me? You have to be nice to company!”

He managed a laugh. And, I came upstairs to do my thing.

In about 8 years my husband will retire – maybe sooner.. and above all else it is my mornings that I worry about.

I don’t want to sit and hear him read that paper outloud, I don’t care about the statistics of any sports, I don’t want to know his every move – such as: I am going to make coffee now, I am going to shower now, etc…

And most of all, I do not want to have to start planning my day the minute I get the milk out of the fridge!

Like today, we have a Dr. apt. and right away as I WAS taking the milk out – he was like, “Well, what time should we leave, do WE need to get directions?”

UGH… all things we talked about yesterday… I managed to get out, “8:30 and we can look it up on the internet.”

And when I mean “we” we all know I mean, “I.”

The other thing that drives me crazy after I have woken up is the schedule men keep no matter what is going on around them. There is no deviating from it.

Since I fractured my foot (yep, two stress fractures as of Monday) and my husband is home this morning he offered to take Abby to school since I am supposed to limit my driving…BUT, he had to get ready and taking her at 7am – well, that was right in the middle of his schedule… How on earth was he going to do that?

And, he didn’t. He was upstairs getting ready and could cut his schedule by 5 minutes so I drove her.

If my husband ever oversleeps for work – he never skips any of his routine – he still showers, shaves etc… I remember being late for work and dissing the shower, putting my hair up and running out the door –disheveled.

Maybe its because we are women and we know that if anything is going to have to adapt it is us. When we are pregnant we give up lots of things we love, pop, alcohol, sleep…when the kids come we give up lengthy showers, doing our nails, fussy haircuts. We give up what we look like so that we can get our kids out the door in something other than PJ’s.

When our kids are older we give up clean cars and trade them in for soccer lockers and candy stores – wrappers all over.

When we have surgery or a procedure we give up the food and the drink for 12 hours without whining about it.

And, when we have to be somewhere in the morning, earlier than we like – we skip our routine and get right to it.

Men don’t do these things… their mornings are a routine that they don’t sacrifice.

I am still irritated and in disbelief about it all.

And, sure, I am protective of my routine – and when there is time for it – I will make sure I get it…but there is always the but – but if I don’t have time…it is the first thing to go in my day – no matter how precious it is to me.

Which brings me to the last irritation I am having these days… men and illness -. As you know my husband has had two surgeries in the last week and while they aren’t serious – they were painful and this whole condition we are dealing with is horrible… and I feel bad for him.

But, now that I have these two stress fractures and have this boot I have to wear and am not supposed to drive… I, too, have a problem and yet, my problem is so back seat to his.

I can still drive the kids wherever they need to be, get the groceries, make dinner, and vacuum the whole house… I asked if he could dig some holes for the hosta and it was like, “Well, I can try.”

I can try…

He is supposed to make sure to care for the wounds from the surgery a certain way – and not a minute goes by that he is not doing what he is told and yet, I am taking off my boot to drive to get whatever we need and get Abby from school.

You know who is helping me – my friends… they see that I am in need of some extra help and they have all jumped in – in the first 24 hours of my injury.

They know Bill is hurt – but they, as women, know that his life is not going to change to help mine. Because men don’t change their routine.

Women are the ones who have to adapt.

You know it’s a wonder men made it through evolution – its kind of scary to wonder what they were like a million years ago – if this is who they became after all of that time.

But, I guess we should just be glad they aren't dragging us out of the cave by our hair!