Truths: When hormones win

Sure, the title could easily suggest that I am suffering from menopause…again. That my hormones are raging and I never know if I am going to lash out or cry – if I am going to sweat like a pig or shiver from the cold that radiates my body whenever feels like it…

But no, this is not about me… it is about my 12 year old daughter. I swear that someone was feeling nasty when they decided that a pre-menopausal woman should have a pre-adolescent girl at the same time. What kind of sick person comes up with this?

We are either screaming at each other – or criticizing one another – or in those rare moments – actually getting along.

But last night – Abby had a meltdown and it broke my heart. (Luckily, I wasn’t having a hot flash or a surge of irrational thoughts at the same time.)

She couldn’t figure out her homework and was really struggling and that is when the tears came. All of a sudden she starting crying that she can’t do anything right and that she hates school because she doesn’t have anyone to talk to and her closest friends are getting new friends… and well, it was all I could do to not cry myself.

While I know her life is not that bad – I can remember what it was like to be in 6th grade… The pressure of having friends and thinking about boys and starting to worry about what you wear and what you say… all while hormones are racing through your body like a day of NASCAR.

I hated late night feedings and couldn’t wait for the tantrums to stop or the walking to begin… but last night – all I wished for was just that. To be in my baby’s room – rocking her to sleep and not holding my adolescent child in my arms as she bauled her eyes out because life was getting too hard.

I know I can’t protect her from the evils of life – the hurt she will endure and the heartache she will face. And, that was all I could think about when I tried to fall asleep.

What am I supposed to do? I really never felt so helpless as a parent.

In my case, I want my child to have the fun I did in Jr. High – to go to the dances and be a part of student council and pass notes (or texts - I guess now)… Sure, I cried… sometimes a lot – over a friend or a boy or both… But how do you express that all of that is so small compared to the rest of life without diminishing how important it is to them right now?

She felt a little better this morning but I could tell she was dreading the day ahead. I can’t help but wonder what her day is like – is she having a hard time making friends? Is she struggling academically? (even though she made high honor roll?) Or is most of it a result of the hormones taking over?

I want to be a good mom – to make her feel confident – to have high self esteem – most of all – I want her to be happy – to look back on these years and not remember only tears – but the fun she had and the friends she made.

I wish they had a bouncy seat or a baby swing for teens – to help soothe them – when they cry – some magic wand to take away the pain and give them back their smiles.

All I do know is that hormones are kicking our ass in this house… The score is them: 100 us: 0… When will the game be over? Or at the very least – when does the half time show start??