Truths: Girlfriends…….and friends?

Ironically, a week after our book club meeting on the “Girls from Ames,” I went out with some of my college friends.

They planned a train crawl from Palatine all the way to Woodstock. They came here first for dinner and a few drinks. And, so, I met them here.

This was a little unusual for us, as each of them brought other friends they have met in their “adult” lives or in-laws from their marriages.

It is very rare that our gatherings include people outside of the group – and I have to admit it was a little strange. A little off kilter.

Don’t get me wrong… all of the women were super nice and conversation with them was great.

I am all for meeting new people and I did enjoy their company.

BUT, it just was not the same. And, that is when I came to the conclusion about the difference between girlfriends and friends.

My college friends who came up last night I have known for over 20 years (I guess that gives my age away). We have shared so many crazy, personal, and embarrassing moments.

We have cried and laughed and been there through divorce, illness, death and numerous births.

And, while it is great to bring new people to our times together – it is also very…difficult.

We don’t get to see each other very often and when we do – we have so much to say – and yet, there is so much not spoken but understood. It is impossible to convey that in a group made up of outsiders.

Last night, as we mingled. I could see the look in all of our eyes that something was missing. We were not able to finish each other sentences or laugh at inside jokes.

The other (great women) were standing in between us both physically and emotionally.

I believe that our normal little get together was strained. And, all of the things we wanted to say – we never got to.

I remember looking at Tina from across the table and just knowing that she felt the same way. It was as though I could see the words she wanted to say coming out of her mouth and then abruptly stopping because no one else on our side of the table would understand.

Sure, we drank and laughed – and the night was not a complete bomb by any stretch of the imagination - it was just different and left me yearning to see my girlfriends again so that we could all bare what is really going on in our lives to people who know us better than we know ourselves – instead of just random conversation.

Sometimes, I think that is why it is hard to make new friends…because so much of who we are is left out – coveted, really.

There is this safe give and take – and it appears to take so long to be yourself and to trust new people with who you really are and what you believe in.

Old friends are like childhood blankets – they keep us warm and they have been everywhere with us. And, we always feel safe when they are near.

Sure, I want to make new friends and meeting the other women last night gave me the potential to make new friends with them.

But, last night I wanted my girlfriends – I wanted to talk about stuff – I wanted to hear what was REALLY going in their lives –

and yes, I wanted them to finish my sentences and to laugh about old times because we don’t get to do that very often – and it is what the I cherish.