Truths: The Hidden Beauty of a Book Club

Friday night I held Book Club at my house. I know… I never really thought of myself as a “book club” kind of girl but as you get older (and become a grandma!!) your ideas about life change and I thought I would like to have a reason to read more books – and to read books I would never have considered.

Our book club is going on one year – which, I think is pretty good. And, I have been to every meeting except two. We have read some great books and all of them have been things I would never have given a second thought to.

Since I was hosting the meeting, I got to choose the book and I chose, The Girls from Ames by Jeffery Zaslow. No, it is not a literary masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination but it is a wonderful real-life story of 11 girlfriends who have maintained a friendship for over 30 years.

That hit home to me because I have two amazing circles of friends. The first group is two of my dearest friends: Kelly and MaryKate. We have been great friends since we were 8 years old. We lived in the same neighborhood from elelmentary school through high school and part of college and we have maintained a very close friendship for over 30 years. I treasure what we have. MaryKate lives in Spain now…but with email she is never far away – and Kelly lives close by. So, even though we don’t see each all of the time: her closeness makes it feel like we do. Joanna, a friend since high school also fits into this group. While we despised each other in high school because of a boy, we have become allies and have this quiet common bond. She is someone who has become a vital part of my life. Truthfully, without them in my life – I am unsure I would be where I am today. They have caught me from falling many of times and I am certain they know me better than anyone in the world. Besides, they know every bad thing I have ever done!

The second group is 8 close friends all from college. Seven of which were all Gamma Phi’s with me. But, all 9 of us lived in this amazing house my senior year of college. Living with 8 girls can be tough, and it was, but the friendships we developed have lasted nearly 20 years. There is not one of us the same and I think that is what has kept us so in touch. Each has her own uniqueness to bring the group. We have met for vacations from all over the states and the ones who live close by have managed to get together a few times each year. Sure some of us are closer than others...Suz and I spent our high school and college years rocking to heavy metal and falling in love with the bad boys. Tina and I share a common ailment and that has made talking with her a vital part of my existence. And Delreen and I shared a room in the sorority house as well as many core college classes. She was there when I got engaged in LA (she helped my husband plan the whole surprise) and she was there to speak when we got married. We share heartfelt emails everyday and through a lot of very tough moments in my life, she has been there with unending support and an eternity of love. Still, as collaborate group there is a closeness that surpasses so many things in life. Like MaryKate, Kelly and Joanna, I know I would not be here today – without their unconditional support.

They say you are stuck with your family and you pick your friends and I know, without my friends, I would be very alone. They are my backbone, my truth and they always nurture my spirit.

Now, in another phase of my life, I have been fortunate to go on and make some new amazing friends also made up of two groups. The first is Susan and Ellen who I met through our passion for animal welfare. We are connected souls through a love for the same ideals. But, both friendships have blossomed into so much more.

The other group friends is moms who I have met through my daughter, Abby. Debbie Bridget, Nancy (and Carol, Abby’s step mom). They are such wonderful women and have weaved themselves into my life just by the day to day activities. It started with the drop offs and pick ups of the girls and has turned into get togethers and bowling leagues. Most of all, I knew they were my true friends when they showed me so much support when my brother died this summer. I knew we weren’t just moms anymore, we were friends. I could not be happier or more fortunate.

I am blessed by so many wonderful friends who fill my spirit in so many ways and I know as I am typing this there are friendships that are just beginning for me and I am anxious to see them grow.

So, the conversation of friendship was the longest conversation our book club has had to date. Women talking about their friends is a timeless night. So much to say and so much to relate to.

It was interesting that not all the women had the same type of friendships to relate to as some of us did…and for them I felt sympathy. Not all of them were disappointed, some didn’t understand how anyone could have time for all of that. True – it is hard.

But, one of the most memorable moments of book club that night was the raw emotions we shared. As far as the club goes we are all neighbors not necessarily good friends and since our conversation has been more about the moments in the books – this book allowed us to open up and see each of us as real people – real women who share so much more in common than we ever imagined.

Emotions such as shyness, uncertainty, hostility, etc. People shared how they scream at their kids or how their dogs destroy their furniture. People shared their inadequacies and their strengths.

The entire night opened my eyes to who all of these acquaintances really are as women. So many of them I see from afar and of course, I have always assumed, that their lives are perfect. That they have wonderful, behaved children, their homes are neat and organized and they live each day as though they are Dr. Phil and Martha Stewart combined!

But, they don’t and they are not living lives much different than mine. And that makes everyone real and friendships with them more attainable. And, actually, encourages me to reach out to them and get to know them.

The topic of friendship is so endearing, sacred, really. We covet our friends while reaching out to make new ones. We protect our selves through old friendships while yearning to make new ones.

Friday night taught me how all women have so much in common – so much that can make them friends. We need to trust that no one has it all under control and that everyone is looking for someone to share in life’s struggles.

Book club opened my eyes to all of this – to seeing my neighbors as real people and seeing my lifelong friendships as miracles.

Yes, book club did all of this…who would have ever guessed.

And, yeah, the books are great, too!