I am in the midst of settling my brother’s estate. It is a total mess and has become something that I curse my brother for every day because he did not have a will. My poor niece is in the middle of a lot of **** and we are all trying to work through it.
So, yesterday I had to take documents to be notarized and sent to my lawyer. I used to work at a corporate office so getting something notarized was never a big deal. But, now without that job, I was left to fend for myself. (Maybe I should know where to go for this but I never needed to…)
A friend of mine told me to go to the bank on the square. So, I packed up all of my documents and tromped into the bank. I don’t bank there so I wasn’t sure how it would work. I had even checked my purse for cash before I went in because I had no idea how much it would cost. $5, $10, $20 even $50 had crossed my mind. (That is how little I know about it)
So, I went to the first teller and told her what I needed and she said to go sign in by the customer service area and someone would help me. Sounded good.
A nice woman came up and asked me what I needed and when I told her she said to follow her into her office. I handed her the papers, knowing that I needed to sign in front of her. She asked for my license and stamped the papers. I had left my wallet out – awaiting the cost…and I hesitated when she was finished until she said “have a good day.”
Huh? I walked out feeling guilty…should I have paid for that, should I have said I didn’t have an account there? Did I just commit theft?
And that made think about the world as it is today. We don’t expect anything for free anymore. I remember being at Culvers once and getting my daughter her free ice cream that comes with the meal and then ordering a sundae for myself (No, I did not need that sundae – but boy was it GOOD!). The woman handed me both the deserts and when I went to pay – she said, “its okay, enjoy.”
I actually argued and said, “no, no I can pay for it.” But she refused. And instead of feeling grateful for the pleasant surprise, a gift really – I felt horribly guilty. Again, as though I stole something.
I did steal something when I was 6 years old. I was at the hardware store with my dad picking out those mailbox letters and while he was getting the right numbers, I was spelling my name with them. We checked out at the counter and walked to the car. I realized that I still had the letters in my hand (honest, I did not do it on purpose) and I felt horrible. I swore the police were coming and I wasn’t sure I should even tell my dad.
Now, right or wrong as we drove home and I fessed up – my dad said it was the wrong thing to do, but we never did return them. Luckily, as I grew up I didn’t become a looter or a thief!
Getting things free and wondering whom we should and should not tip is tough in this era. I remember staying at a nice hotel in Kohler, WI and each time my friends and I went through the door, the bellman would open it and greet us… It got to the point where we were like “Are we supposed to tip him?”
I buy special food for the dogs that I get at a small mom and pop store in town. When you buy the bag – one of the boys brings it to my car… should I tip him?
When the delivery guys bring my new furniture am I supposed to tip them? And what about at Subway and Starbucks where they have a tip jar? Really, am I supposed to tip the kid with the nose rings and purple hair for making my sandwich…(wrong)?
There are some professions we have all grown accustom to tipping: wait staff, pizza delivery people, limo drivers, taxi drivers, bellman, the people who dry your car at the car wash, hair stylists. But, what about the person who changes your oil? The person who tows you, the person who you already pay to mow your lawn?
When are we to go over and above what we already paid for the service?
I hate figuring it out – I hate that gut wrenching feeling wondering if I am being cheap or if I am being overgenerous…
And when I get things free – I feel just as bad.
But, why? (Does it all go back to my experience at the hardware store?) Have we all grown up with the saying that “nothing in life is free?” Did our parents preach too much that we have to work for everything that we get? What makes receiving a nice, generous gesture so uncomfortable?
Simply stated, I have no idea!
But, I realize that I shouldn’t feel bad, I should just feel gracious and walk away knowing that someone did a nice gesture just because they wanted to. It is okay to feel like “that just made my day.” Because, that was probably their genuine intent.
As for the tipping, well, there probably are rules of etiquette, but I guess that really comes down to how you feel about the service you received and if the person went above and beyond their job description or what you already paid for the service.
On one hand, we have become a society that feels the need to constantly reward even the most simple of acts just to motivate people and… is that right? Should I have to tip the Subway guy just so he will make my sandwich right next time? Should I tip the lawn guy because he actually swept up the grass this time? Should I tip the oil changer because my car still started once he was done?
I think not. I hope not.
But, in a world faced with recession – getting things for free once in awhile is gift we should just graciously receive and tipping for service that made you happy should never be outside the norm.
There is no wrong or right and as long as the police don’t come running after me – I guess that means I didn’t steal.
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