Truths: In the End

Amongst my shallow angst this week, I found opportunities of deep revelation. There are no jokes today just pause for thought and contemplation.

See earlier this week, my ex-husband’s grandma – Abby’s great grandma – an amazing lady we fondly called Mor Mor passed away. At 97 it was a blessing but still a sad loss to all those who knew her – me included.

Also earlier this week, my grandma, a spry 91 years old was hospitalized for the very first time in her whole life (except for childbirth).

As I sat in the hospital room one night she said, “Becky, if I go – its okay – I am ready. I have led a very full life at 91 and have no regrets. I have always been happy – what else could I ask for?”

Her words pierced my soul… When my day comes, will I be able to except death as readily as she is? What regrets am I still agonizing over? What dreams do I still have? Are there things that keep from a happy life – what are they?

I fell asleep that night pondering her words…wondering how on Earth I could ever be that at peace with the end of my life. Is it just that I am so young and not ready? Or is my life too full of crap to be at peace with the simple things in life.

My opportunity for reflection did not end that night as I attended the wake and service of Mor Mor the following day. At 97, Mor Mor led a complete life and while I never had the chance to hear her say what my grandma was saying – I believe that Mor Mor would have said it to me as well.

The service, performed by a woman chaplain, was so sincere and genuine – her affections for Mor Mor obvious and her insight became priceless – to me.

In her words, she spoke of how Mor Mor was part of the lives of so many and because of her – all of our lives were changed forever – she would always be with us because of the way she touched us.

And with those words, I wondered – how do I touch people’s lives? If I were to die today – what would they take with them? What would I want them to keep as a part of me – not something materialistic – but heartfelt.

Its been a long, sometimes hard week. What started as a saga over a stove became an emotional, thought provoking few days.

We don’t always get chances to think about what is important so I treasure the times that I do. It gives me pause to reflect on my own life and to make course corrections so that when I am walking on the edge of my end, I can solidly say I am ready, I have lived a full life and have no regrets.