Truths: Clearing the Chaos by Cleaning

In the last week my life has turned into complete chaos. I cannot go into the details but it is safe to say that what was a beautiful, tranquil vacation a few weeks ago has been replaced by a lot of things that are not nearly as pretty or peaceful.

The irony of all if it – is that my house reflects the state of my life right now. Nearly every room is a disaster and just reminds me of the struggles I am enduring right now.

I have found myself with no time for me or for maintaining a calm and clutter free household.

Things are piling up and my anxiety is growing.

I was supposed to be in court today dealing with my brother’s estate but luckily, the hearing was postponed and I find myself with a whole day – a whole unplanned day!

So, I am going to clean my daughter’s room and I mean really clean it. See, she has this very cool bed coming on Friday – it is a loft with a desk underneath that my parents bought her for Christmas. (I think it is for 2010 Christmas…but I also think that was just a ploy to feel okay about buying it for her.)

Anyway, we ordered the bed almost 2 months ago, and when we did we decided she could re-decorate her whole room. While her room is adorable – it is, perhaps, a little childlike and she is going to 6th grade – so childlike doesn’t cut it anymore.

Besides, there is nothing more (except saving dogs and writing) that I enjoy more than decorating!

The day we ordered the bed we filled our cart at Target with new bedding, new window treatments, new pillows, new all kinds of stuff…we stopped at Menards and picked out vibrant blue and green paint chips… and the following day I filled a cart from Home Goods with accessories! (I really do love interior design!)

And all along – it was our goal to have the whole room cleaned out and painted before the bed ever arrived.

Well, that just isn’t going to happen. We started last weekend to go through everything and while we loaded up three bags of garbage and 5 bags of things to donate – the floor is unsightly and the room still filled with stuff.

That whole idea of painting… is nothing but a sick joke right now!

At any rate, with the bed coming Friday and the fact that today is a pleasant surprise of nothing else to do – I am cleaning the room.

I am excited about cleaning the room because I know it will give me back some sense of control over my life. Some sense of peace…and while it will be a pain in the ass today and I will be frustrated with all of the crap that she keeps and the disorganized way that she does it – when I am done…it will feel as though I saw a therapist and my whole life made sense again.

I don’t know if cleaning does that for everyone. I know my friend, Delreen, finds cleaning a rewarding chore because it allows her to feel in control while creating a beautiful home.

I hate cleaning..I really do – but the feeling of accomplishment when I am done is par none. And that is my desire for today.

I also have this unrealistic hope for the new bed – that it, alone, will bring a sense of organization and a reason for my daughter to keep her room clean.

I know it is an unfounded dream to believe that a bed can change a life – but my fingers are crossed that it will happen.

I mean, regardless of the bed, Abby is going into 6th grade and because of that we filled 5 bags of toys and crafts and junk to donate because she just doesn’t need it anymore and doesn’t want it anymore.

Things like ipods, laptops, iphones, TV and sports are what make up her life now. All the dolls and the pretend vet kits are over.

As we went through all of that stuff – I didn’t even have time to reflect on the sadness of it – I just wanted it gone – so I could see the floor again – but I guess with a moment of quiet reflection it is a bit sad… My only baby is growing up so fast – next thing I know boys will be calling, her door will be closed and her friends will become closer to her than her family..

Amidst the chaos brimming in my life – I don’t have time to really think about that stuff – instead I am trying to tread water and just focus on the little things to keep me grounded – like cleaning up my daughter’s room – just in the knick of time before the bed comes

THE bed that I (unrealistically) hope will take away at least ½ of my troubles!