Truths: A World Away - Disconnected

I checked my email messages yesterday morning: 175. Of course, some were junk…but for the most part they had meaning. Although, none of them were going to change my life. Okay, maybe one of them: the ultrasound of my soon to be grandbaby.

(Which, by the way, I will be a grandma twice over this year. My other step-daughter, Lindsey, just found out that she is pregnant - 6 weeks after her sister!)

So, yes, the ultrasound was a very important email.

But, the rest… not so much.

And yet, the minute we flew into the Bahamas and I knew that I would not be able to check my email or google the intenet – I felt whoosey. I felt disconnected from my world. I felt lost. I felt loss.

Add to it, that I wouldn’t be able to make many calls since at $1.99/min – talking seemed a luxury I could live without (or should live without).

I was thousands of miles away and besides being with my husband – I was alone. Very alone.

When the plane flew into the islands, I would stare down at my iphone and yearn. Yearn to so see who texted me, who emailed me… What was I missing – because it sure felt like I was missing A LOT!

Yeah, as the plane landed and the blue sky, aqua water and blowing palm trees showed up in the window – I was distracted – but…I admit – still wanting to know who emailed me!

I confessed to Bill that it was driving me nuts – that I wasn’t sure I could do it.

He said that it would be easy for him the first few days and then he would get antsy. For me, it was just the opposite.

I swear I had withdrawals those first few days. Each time something wonderful or funny would happen – I wanted to text, to email a friend and let them know.

It certainly got me thinking about what life was like without cell phones, without email, even without answering machines. Yes, I am old enough to remember all of that.

We are so connected to everything these days that it is near impossible to disconnect. Or, to unplug from what we believe to be our whole world.

It was almost as if I didn’t know what to do if I couldn’t connect.

As the hours and soon days passed, my withdrawal faded. We went for long walks, searched for shells, enjoyed the beauty of where we were (and yes, drank heavily). And, my need to connect lessened.

My anxiety disappeared and I can admit that I really did not miss it. We read books and breathed deeply, napping at times in the sun. (okay, maybe passing out in the sun)

I didn’t have to keep up with responding to email – figuring out things that weren’t working or deleting spam.

And, I was still alive. I was probably more alive.

Ironically, as the week came to a close my husband led me to a resort computer where you could check email and surf the net.

I panicked. “No,” I screamed – “We are NOT checking our email!”

“We are NOT checking it only to become stressed at how much there is or that something is wrong,” I said, “Absolutely NOT!”

My husband, of course, ignored my plea – but couldn’t successfully log in!

“Yes!” (God is female!)

We spent the rest of our days – without technology. And, neither one of us died.

I am still in disbelief.

But, I am a changed person.

I have become so programmed to check my email through out the day and to feel as if I have to react immediately. I don’t – none of us do.

And, it feels good to let it all go sometimes – to re-prioritize what is really important and to let technology take a back seat to really living.

Sure, the jokes about the Walmart people are funny, and the ease of making plans with friends is amazing, and the solving problems with people across the country is beyond efficient and successful – but taking in the day and appreciating the simplicity of life is even more rewarding.

Oh, I won’t lie – the minute we landed in Miami – I turned on my phone and started texting everyone I could think of. Letting them all know I was home and eager to hear what went on while I was away. My reaction was immediate without one single thought.

I did wait until yesterday morning to check my email – it was hard not to hit the email button on my phone – but after 10 days of restrain – I did learn some self-control.

And sure enough, one of the first emails I had was “More pictures of Walmart people.”