Truths: When Do We Step Away?

Friday is the “Invention Convention” at my daughter’s school. Of course, it is all voluntary but it seems like every kid participates – I am not sure I even saw the word voluntary on any of the paperwork.

We started this project a few months back with brainstorming an idea. It has to be something that was never invented but something a 5th grader could not only think of but replicate. Easy enough??

After hours of agony - me suggesting things and Abby rolling her eyes like I am a total idiot. We came up with the idea of a dog collar that when the dog leaves the yard , the owner pushes a remote control and it lights up and flashes LOST… so people passing by would know that the dog is missing.

(I wonder what made us think of this – its not like our dogs ever runaway…)

So, for the first month – little work took place… Abby had to submit her idea and a brief plan…and then it all sat.

Until this week…because it is due tomorrow!

We were working on it Tuesday – hardcore… Writing the hypothesis – drawing conclusions – finishing up the actual collar. Abby was doing the work and I was helping.

Until it came down to writing out the project – explaining it all step by step and laying it out on a display board. That is when I felt like I was being sucked into a whirlpool – unable to find the strength to walk away.

“Say it like this,” I would tell her, “No, that doesn’t make sense – write it this way.”

Until I started writing the sentences and she happily copied them.

Yes, I felt that pit in my stomach that screamed, “This is HER project not yours.”

But, I wanted it to be good…

After a push and pull of documenting the project – me always TRYING to bite my tongue. We printed everything out and Abby started designing the display board with “our” stuff.

As she began to glue – I freaked out. Again I found myself saying, “No, that doesn’t look right – do it like this.”

I would take the stuff and demonstrated how I would do it and eventually, she just looked at me and said, “Mom, why don’t you just glue it all on?”

For a minute I felt like I won and gained complete creative control…and then I realized what I just did.

Not only did I make her feel bad – but I just took on the 5th grade “Invention Convention” project.

Ironically, on the comedy show, “The Middle” last night – it was the same premise. The son gets involved in all of these activities and responsibilities and the mother is the one who actually gets them all done so she can be proud of his accomplishments.

I don’t think her or I want the credit – we just want our kids to be the best – to have their work shine and be proud of it. What we fail to realize is that our kids are already proud of their work they way they intended it to be.

Sure that sentence could have been re-written and that paper glued a little straighter but it is their work, their accomplishment: not ours.

It is so hard to know when to help and when to observe – even when it means watching our kids fail.

We can’t protect them all of the time and much of the time it can only be up to them to learn the lessons of life.

Making their project perfect isn’t doing anyone a favor – it is only promoting them assuming we will always be there to catch them from falling and in reality, that is not the truth.

One day they will be at college or at work and they will have a project and it will be up to them to make it a success. Sure they might remember some of our suggestions on to make something better – but they will not have us there doing it for them and that is what they need to learn now.

Which means that my tongue will have holes in it, my stomach will ache and Abby might not always get an A. But, she will learn her own strengths and weaknesses and ultimately learn what it takes for her to do her best work – on her own.

But, before we take the project to school tomorrow – I think I will look at it one more time… You know, just to make sure it looks…okay.